Being submissive in relationships doesn't mean being silent

3. Become more communicative

If I felt that I couldn't tell him when I wasn't happy about something, it would just make me sullen and resentful, whereas instead I feel relaxed about saying what I think. In relationships in which there is an element of control, it is surely all the more important for the person in control to listen to the concerns, opinions and fears of the other.

One of the best things about being in a Taken In Hand relationship, as far as I am concerned, is that it has made it possible for us to be more open and honest with each other, instead of letting resentments build up and explode into rows. If being Taken In Hand meant that I had to do what he wanted all the time without any regard to my own feelings, I don't think it would be a happy situation.

Rather than turning me into a silent, obedient automaton, being in relationsips has made me more communicative – I talk to my husband more than I used to, and tell him things that I never would have in the past. Silent withdrawal used to be something I did frequently – I was a champion at bottling things up – but now I never do that. If being Taken In Hand were about silent submission, it would have increased the tension between us, whereas instead it has diffused it. Being taken in hand doesn't mean being silenced!